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June, 2024 Edition
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I Still Have a Hangover
It's true. I still have a hangover from the last Presidential election. Too many political ads made me sick. A lack of substance left me feeling queasy. And after it was over, I just wanted to stay in bed with a blanket over my head. I think that is a hangover.

You know what they say? In life, no one gets out alive. So we shouldn't take politics too seriously. But it isn't easy when there is so much at stake. My Parents told me anyone could grow up to be President. The last few elections have confirmed that.

I decided as Independence Day draws near and we face another election year, we all deserve a break. The famous humorist Will Rogers once said, "This would be a great time in the world for some man to come along that knew something." As frustrating as politics is, we still live in the greatest country in the world. Otherwise, how do you explain the rampant desire for the rest of the world to come here?

I should be upfront and let you know I was arrested for impersonating a politician yesterday. All I was doing was sitting in my office doing nothing. When the government announces it may shut down for lack of funds, we should applaud, not complain. Complaining about politicians is probably mean, but they shouldn't make it so easy.

All kidding aside, America will celebrate its Independence Day on July 4th. Everyone should enjoy the holiday and ignore the political ads until after the election. We might be able to avoid another hangover.
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  • The chill pill I took this morning appears to be a placebo.
  • You are going to be fine. You come from a long line of lunatics.
  • My diet can be described as "unchaperoned child at a birthday party".
  • There are two kinds of people in the world. 1. People who understand and appreciate sarcasm. 2. Idiots.
  • I don't always whoop. But when I do. There it is.
  • I am starting to think I will never be old enough to know better.
  • Can you imagine how sexy I would be If I ate right and took care of my body? I mean...I'm not going to, but can you imagine.
  • I'm going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, tell them I am outstanding.
  • Evidently my hair was put on my head to remind me that I cannot control everything.
  • I don't think I meet the height requirement to ride your emotional roller coaster.
  • It was so windy when I was walking to the gym that I got blown in to this liquor store.
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